A happier note....

My last few posts have been somewhat harrowing and focusing on the down side of my life.....
But somehow somewhat someway, they have made me a better person now and opened my eyes to another whole new perspective about what life, family, friends are all about.........
I've come to realise that happiness is when we chose to be and how we want it to be......
This might be cliched and heard many times, but it does bring meaningful thoughts for me - "If life gives you lemon, you make lemonade"

So.....I've chosen to live my life on a happier note....somehow to me, we are in this world only for a certain period of time.....eternal life is somewhere else and that's when and where life is fully lived and enjoyed in a positive manner......for now, it's life in this earth that we are born into and lets just rock it and take in whatever that is thrown to us!...I shall just let nature takes its course for whatever's gonna happen next and I shall not dwell too much in it and let my loved ones suffer the consequences.....

Back to my topic here.......yes! on a happier note, CNY is just around the corner! I've put the preparation of it on hold for the past one week and now I'm back on track! More reasons for me to be focused on it for it's the first year after 5 years since I got pregnant with my first child that I get to breathe the air in my own home on this special day........YES!! CNY in my very own home this year! I'm so so so so excited about it! Closed friends and family members know how much this means to me for it's not every year that I get the excitement of waking up in the morning of CNY in my very own home and seeing my loved ones on the first day of CNY itself. I'll be seeing mom, dad, sis, bro, close friends and family members on the first day of CNY itself this year! This feeling was never that significant to me and I have to admit that I've taken it for granted ever since young... until I got married and totally missed this simple yet meaningful feeling of having my loved ones around on THE day. And now, it's coming back to me again this year...ONLY this year and I'm all out to make it a truly memorable CNY.......I wish I could have this same feeling for many more CNY to come....wishful thinking.......

So YES!!! lets roll onto the year of the Tiger with much happiness, merriment, joy, love, warmth and peace....I'll make sure I embrace every single minute of it for it'll truly be one HECK of a CNY for me this year!

Happy Chinese New Year!

May you all be blessed with peace, love, longevity, good health, abundance of wealth and most of all.......................happiness!!! That's the key to a life well lived! Cheers!

HUAT AR!!!!!!................ :D

Wake up call...

The last one week and few days back have been somewhat a wake up call for me....a wake up call in :-

- knowing who my true friends are
- realising who care for me the most
- knowing what and who are the most important ones in my life
- realising what my life priorities should be
- narrowing down the focus of my life
- redefining what I want and what I'll do in my life
- realising health is indeed a treasure in one's life and that it should not be taken granted for in whatsoever ways......

I truly and deeply understand the true meaning of relationships with family and friends. It's somehow unfortunate that I found these out the way I did but it's better to realise it than not at all.......I've come to realise the priorities in my life and that the truth is, I cant please everyone and vice versa. Nonetheless, I've tried doing my part in holding whatever ties I have with those in my life and should they not hold onto it longer, I shall just let them go knowing that I've done my best and I've given my all in ensuring those ties are strongly bound.......

and the wait continues....

My results were out today....no pre-cancerous cells were detected from my biopsy (a huge relief there!) BUT I've been diagnosed with HPV (Human Papillomavirus).

I'll let the article abstracted from the internet do the explanation......

Human Papillomavirus, more commonly known as HPV, is a viral infection spread through skin to skin sexual contact. HPV is a group of over 100 different viruses, with at least 30 strains known to cause different types of cancer. There is currently no cure for HPV.







How Can You Get HPV






HPV is transmitted by skin to skin contact through vaginal, anal and oral sex with a partner who already has HPV. If infected, signs and symptoms may take weeks, months and even years to appear. Symptoms may never appear.






Symptoms of HPV






Symptoms of HPV normally appear in the form a cauliflower like growths called genital warts. These warts may also be flat. They can be found on the inside and the outside of the vagina. These growths may take weeks or even years to show after having sex with an infected partner. Again, they may appear show at all.






How Do I Know If I Have HPV?






An HPV test can be done to determine if a person has HPV. Testing samples of cervical cells is an effective way to identify high-risk types of HPVs that may be present. The U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA) has approved an HPV test that can identify 13 of the high-risk types of HPVs associated with the development of cervical cancer. There is currently no test to determine if a man has HPV.






Preventing HPV






Abstaining from any type of sexual realtions is ideal in preventing HPV, but not very realisitc these days for adults. Wearing a condom provides limited protection. The male condom provides limited protection. Keep in mind that since HPV may not show any visible symptoms, your partner may still be infected.

I have no idea how I contracted such virus for according to my gynae, "HPV is not necessarily contracted through sexual intercourse alone. One could also easily get the virus from the toilet seats!...." and that makes me wonder even further..........where?when?how?who?????...etc.....millions of questions....with no answers, of course..... :(

Well, I've had another round of pap-smear done again today to determine the DNA of the HPV in me - if it's a high risk or low risk virus. I can still be vaccinated against cervical cancer if it's of the low risk category (praying hard tht I belong to this category) but IF I'm at the high risk group (13 out of 130); there's nothing much that can be done apart from diligently having my annual pap smear done in hope that it wont turn pre-cancerous. SO yes.....and the wait continues......it's another round of anticipation for the results in 2 weeks time......one after another......

*I'd like to thank those who were concern about me and who took the effort in contacting me for the updates of my medical condition. Words cannot describe how your tweets, phone calls and sms-es meant so much to me, knowing that there are people out there who care and think about me when I face those 'down' moments in my life. Thank you all sooooooo much for your kind words and support. They all somehow made me stronger in facing what the future holds for me*

WORST week of my life...

The 4th week of January 2010 is by far...(I hope it stops there) the worst week of my life...
First off - my turbulent and traumatic experience from my recent pap smear result, which as not ended for the results of my biopsy will only be out next Tue.

Then it was on Thursday night that I had one of the worst fight with hubby throughout our 7 years of marriage. It all started early in the morning with some misunderstanding in the car which led to a cold and silent war throughout the day.....and finally catapulted to a very nasty exchange of words right before bed time......It was so bad that I think our voices were heard by our neighbours, not to mention our helper who sleeps in a room near to ours. The only thing missing was physical fight! haha!

Well, we managed to kiss and make up after about 45 mins of exchange of harsh, hurtful and poisonous words.....needless to say, I woke up with 2 extremely swollen eyes - a result of crying and pouring of gallons of tears during the exchange of words with beloved hubby.....

Guess my unstable emotions since the beginning of the week contributed to the start of war with hubby.......praying and hoping real hard that we need not hav to go thru such roller coaster in our marriage ever again....it's definitely not worth it at all to fight, especially when the fight revolves around misinterpretations which involves other not-so-significant people in our lives.....

Well, something good did result from our war though......we're more loving to each other now than we ever did and we've made a pact to fully understand each other's feelings before jumping into negative conclusions........

....still praying hard for tomorrow's outcome at the hospital.........

It wasnt so good....

So...I went through it with a clear conscience.....little did I know that the whole procedure was indeed a messy and uncomfortable one.... I shall not go further for it's definitely not something a woman would wanna go thru....bottomline is - I hated the whole procedure! Wish and hope that I wont have to go thru it ever again.....!!!!

Well, the result from the colposcopy didnt seem positive enough to have an immediate clearance from my gynae. I not only had 1 biopsy taken; but THREE! THREE frigging snips for further lab test!
And so..the waiting game continues.........I'll know my fate next tuesday.....
it could be HPV, Cervicitis or even stage 1 of the existence of pre-cancerous cells in me.

My gynae suspects that I'm at the low risk of HPV or worse case, cervicitis - which she said is nothing to worry for both are easily treated.

But what if it's the 3rd case scenario?, I asked.

"Lets not go to that part just yet...we'll see how the result go by next week" she said.

and my anxiety just went sky rocket high!.......another long wait...till my next post....good luck to myself!

...long sigh...

Colposcopy

Warning: This post might be a lil 'gross and disturbing' for those who are not familiar with the female health problems.

Readers' discretion advised.

Remember my Pap smear in Nov 09? Well...here's the follow up after my 2nd round of it as advised by my gynae after my anti-inflammatory medication.....

This is what I'm going to go through at the hospital tomorrow afternoon...I'll let the article (adapted from the web -  Colposcopy) do the explanation...

One of the most frightening times in a woman's life is when the gynecologist calls and says her Pap smear results are abnormal. Although you might think an abnormal Pap smear means you have cervical cancer, the fact is that the majority of abnormal Pap smears are not caused by cervical cancer. The more likely cause of abnormal Pap smear results is inflammation or a vaginal infection.



Because the Pap smear is a screening tool and not a diagnostic tool, your gynecologist may want to take a closer look at your cervix to determine the cause of your abnormal Pap smear results. He will perform an examination called a colposcopy. Your doctor may order this procedure if you have Pap smear results which:


•indicate dysplasia or cancer



•show evidence of HPV


•show atypical squamous cells of undetermined significance (ASCUS) or repeated (ASCUS)


Your gynecologist may also order a colposcopy because your cervix appears abnormal during your pelvic exam and Pap smear, or if you have a history of prenatal DES exposure.






Colposcopy is a simple and painless procedure performed in a gynecologist's office that takes 10 to 15 minutes. You are positioned on the examination table like you are for a Pap smear, and an acetic acid (such as common table vinegar) is placed on the cervix. This causes the cervical cells to fill with water so light will not pass through them.






Your physician will use a colposcope to view your cervix. A colposcope is a large, electric microscope that is positioned approximately 30 cm from the vagina. A bright light on the end of the colposcope lets the gynecologist clearly see the cervix.






During the colposcopy, the gynecologist focuses on the areas of the cervix where light does not pass through. Abnormal cervical changes are seen as white areas -- the whiter the area, the worse the cervical dysplasia. Abnormal vascular (blood vessel) changes are also apparent through the colposcope. Typically, the worse that the vascular changes are, the worse the dysplasia.






If your physician can view the entire abnormal area through the colposcope, a tissue sample or biopsy is taken from the whitest abnormal areas and sent to the lab for further evaluation.

Well, according to my gynae, 97% out of patients who are found with inflammation are cleared off from the 2nd round of pap smear. And I have to be among the 3% who requires further test - aptly the Colposcopy!
 

"It's nothing to be worried. It's just a further procedure to ensure that pre-cancerous cells are absent/present in your cervix", she optimistically explained.

 
Hmm...I'll be lying to say that I'm not worried at all about all this.....YES! I'm extremely nervous, anxious, and totally stressed out with my own health condition. I'm really unprepared for this......just hoping for the best and that it's just what my gynae calls it - a chronic case of Cervicitis.
 
Praying for a positive outcome.....

Hello 2010!

2009 came and went......and here's welcoming 2010! That also means another round of busy year for mommy......shuttling her elder offspring to and from school on a daily basis....and even a farther route cos mommy, being 'itchy backside' decided to change his school. Well, a mom's gotta do what a mom's gotta do....

bangun pagi;

gosok gigi;

cuci muka;

tukar baju;

ambil kunci;

masuk kereta;

hantar anak;

pergi sekolah......

Yup...tht's my daily routine from Jan 5th onwards....and a typical day for lil one and me starts at 6.30am. And it's only in his final 2 years in kindy........tht'll be another 13 years more, including primary n high school???? ok...lets not think tht far....

So there we were, stuck in the mad traffic, n then the long queue into the school compound and finally into his classroom.....and him being thrown into yet another new environment, was being anxious and a bit 'manja' upon our arrival at school. So mommy was expecting him to start 'raining' once we entered the class but lil hero, being totally unpredictable, was merry, cheerful and happy! So we thought that was the best time to just leave him getting himself adapted in his new environment. And boy did he surprise us!!!

"Bye bye, mommy!"

....and happily continued playing with his new found friend, whom mommy later found out is boy named Billy.

Tea time in school - porridge and milo

Lunch was actually pizza and fun fries, and dessert - ice cream!

I wanna go back to school too! ;D

somehow he gave me that "it's not tasty, mommy" look...but I later found out he walloped the whole bowl AND emptied the cup :)

I was later told by his teacher that he's indeed a very independent boy who does everything himself, including eating, drinking, packing his school bag and going to the loo, all by himself without any aid from his teachers - on his first day in a new school!

I'm a proud mommy *blush*

Looks like my son could easily fit in in a new environment.......he's a survivor.......

Christmas 2009

The lovely celebration came and went...but not without leaving me with yet another sweet and meaningful memories to be stored in my mind for as long as I live.....

First..it was with my beloved family members on the eve of Christmas....a warm and close-bonded gathering with the most loved and treasured people in my life....

Zach on Roy's bike - christmas gift fr mommy n daddy

Not many pics were taken that night because everyone was busy being together and yakking away....

BUT....it was a totally different story 2 days later.....

.....a gathering among my closest friends from primary and high school......some of my BFFs and boy! it was indeed a great night to end the year with a bang! We had so much fun that, as cliche as it may sounds..... words just cant describe how much fun we had that night...well, I shall let the pics do the talking.......

Yup...it's a blue-themed christmas this year....

2 lovely and definitely memorable Christmas celebrations in a year which will remain in my heart and mind a long long time....

What more could I ask for????? A christmas well spent with the people I love, treasure, cherish and appreciate....

Happy Christmas everyone!........Have a blessed new year! See you in 2010!